cant sleep……..stupid arguement…….nearly midnight…….need to write something down
thats what happens …….is it …i dont know….i feel like that woman on sex and the city lol
if youve seen the series…….always typing things down writing notes when things happen in her life..
.
Since i started writing notes , ………………. lost dad….
funny….. dedications at the begining of those notes, 2 years ago said memory to mum
and those animals but not dad lol ….cos he was there…………….not now
It was a sunday,at the gun club, just a normal sunday, except for some reason , the local spanish guys kept saying ..”whats wrong with you”…. i didnt have “gripe.”…flue in spanish, or any other illness,i just wasnt …………………..quite right…….
that night in the office ,at about 8 , my girlfriend,keely,shouted down “hey i think theres a program you might be interested in”….was a documentry about the war…about 1942 on discovery program and espiecialy ,about poland,……..i watched for 10 mins then said,,,,,,,,not interested….
so strange , cos after all those years i watched every second world war documentary.As i said ,dad was a lithuanian refugee,…..id read every book,….cos he wouldnt tell me anything.,untill later,just before he died………….my second to last night with him………..when he got drunk and i took him too bed ,but thats another chapter.
i thought, ill ring him………was about 8.30 , that night..,June the 12th…and he didnt answer the phone…..
now thats not strange,,,id rang him for nearly 20 years and he never answered the phone , usually in Bradford or Leeds somewhere……i laugh at the times sooo many times he said….”””you never ring me “”…he was never bloody in…
For the first time , i rang my sister, who lived nearby,and said, go to dads,now thats ,strange,,,,,,no joke maybe , 5000 times ive rang him,hes not responded,and for the ist time i rang my sis/..
sis said , dont be daft….hell be with a friend somewhere….
sis went on monday morning…at 8,30…saw him on the sofa and thought he was asleep…opened the door.
he was dead on the couch.
i got the flight on tuesday……the front lawn was mowed not the back so on sunday, hed done the front,felt tired,went to rest and died………………..how….how
after 20 years,,,,the first time i call my sis , after he didnt answer the phone …
how did i feel strange all day
why didnt i want to watch that documentry after 10 mins
how did i know,,,,,,,how…..shit how
im sorry, im not catholic anymore….and those of you that believe in god…..i respect your opinions….i lost my faith……….but there is something out there…………………..or how did i know.
as the late Dave Allen , brilliant ,irish comedian , used to say at the end of every show……….may your god go with you……
i hope dad is with what ever god he wanted to be with
night dad////xxxx